Thoughts

My knuckles have tinges of blue-black, a cause of a sudden burst this morning, I've always have this anger issues, that usually ended up with bruised hands, arms. I'll cry and hurt myself, but it's better than hurting someone else right… at least this is my own body. It hurts to type, or drive but I managed.

I am such a mean person, and I just realized that there are so many nice people but I'm hardly at the receiving end of their help, usually I just stare in envy or even put in a snide remark, it is because people think I'm independent? Or am I just a mean person that no one thinks I deserve some help. No one seem to notice, do I hide it so well? The pain in my fingers are just reminders of how alone I really am… and how little people notice me.

Do you notice me? When I walk past you? Do you notice me when I am there?

I don't understand myself, so it's fine if you don't too. I'm alright, I'll keep reminding myself.

This is really the hormones talking.

But I'm not calling out for sympathy; it's just a small snippet of my insecurities, just something I need to write it down, because I'm sick of crying.

Tomorrow's a better day. I'll tell myself that, and if it's not, then the next will be.